Being in the moment. That’s the focus this month. I am still here. I think about the blog often, I’ve just run out of time to post. Sometimes it comes to choosing computer time or hubby time. You can see which wins.
In the cafe I have been busy prepping and freezing. I have pictures to post, but hubby has the camera right now, so they’ll come later. I have made my first brioche….what a crazy bread that is to make! I nearly threw it away before finishing it. Here’s the story: I began the recipe and it was too big for the mixer in the cafe, so I moved it to one of our huge bowls and began working it by hand. I thought everything was looking good, I had a terrific round, elastic ball of dough. Then I read further that I was supposed to knead in 3 pounds of softened butter. How?? Its a beautiful ball of dough appearing impervious to any additions of butter. So, I gave it my best effort and by this time, I had my back to the deli counter and the Peanut Gallery who were enjoying the spectacle I was creating for them with this stringy, slimy, mass of goo. It became so stringy, I just knew I had something out of order and there was no hope of a good brioche coming out of this mass of taffy-like, stringy, clumps of gluten. Here’s the kicker: I could not let the Peanut Gallery know I was in distress. A girl has a reputation after all. I figured I’d just keep at it, with a show of confidence I was not feeling until they were dome with their lunch, then I would toss the mass into the trash wit no one to witness the deed. To my surprise something magical happened in that half hour. My once beautiful ball of dough, which had mutated into this globby, stringy mess had transformed into a cohesive mass, smooth, elastic, rich and moist….. in the end, after 2 days of working with it, I had 3 beautiful loaves and 6 individual brioches. The individual ones were shared and the loaves went into the freezer for a future bread pudding. That’s another cooking school lesson in the bag!
Being in the moment. When life gets this busy, its my habit to look ahead when the promise of calm is in the future. I do this a lot in the summer. We go from one big event to another, catering, planning, etc. I usually say; “If I can just make it to August, I’ll be okay.” This month is like that, only I am trying to change my outlook. This is for body image as well and food and diet can easily fit into this mindset. This May I am coaching my kids in soccer, 4-H is in full swing, and I am working. I began thinking: “If I can only get through this next season of soccer, it will be okay.” Well, by doing that; by constantly looking ahead to the better times, I am missing Right Now. Right Now is important. Things are happening in my life Right Now, in my kids’ lives Right Now, in my Hubby’s life Right Now. Yes, I am busy. This week we had a day of Piano at 3pm, soccer from 4:30-5:30 and a 4-H mtg at 6pm. and I worked 4 hours that morning. This weekend we had to get tack swap items in for consignment at 8am, be in Couer d’Alene (60 min. away) by 9:15 for check in at the MS Walk my daughter and I participated in (this was planned before I agreed to soccer) then we had a soccer game at 12:00, then it was helping at the Tack Swap from 2pm on….instead of be-moaning the busyness of those days, I focused on being in each moment of the day. There is so much joy in the moment.
My diet has not been the best, but its far from being “bad” too. Instead of saying things like, “When I am size _____, it will be better.” I am focusing on, “Yesterday I had 2 great compliments on looking good, and I haven’t even lost these last, pesky 15 pounds.”
Yes, my britches are MUCH tighter than I would like, but you know what? I have confidence that things will get back to comfortable again. As for exercise, I could be “When I start lifting weights again steadily I’ll look better and THEN I can focus on diet and see some results.” But I’m not, actually I am thinking: “I know that weight loss is 80% food, 20% exercise, so you know, I’m going to do the best I can with I’ve got Right Now!” Time is my issue Right Now. I haven’t figured out how to fit in work outs with working, coaching and meetings. So Right Now, I will not lay any internal guilt trips. I will just do my best Right Now. Tomorrow will take care of itself. I originally lost 120 pounds, I have gained 20 of it back over the last 2 years or so, but really, its been over 2 years. Do I really need to give up the joy of today for when things will be better when I am smaller? NO. Right Now I can run, I can coach soccer, I can ride my horse, I don’t have to wait until things are calmer or I am smaller…I am living for Right Now!
Which brings me to my next topic. The Half Marathon is looming. I have made the tentative decision to not train for it. My hips don’t like it. The time it takes is beyond my schedule right now. My last long run was 8 miles. I will go day by day and see. I have given myself permission to not complete it, if that’s how it goes. No Guilt trips here. I am known for setting goals and achieving them, so this is a big deal for me. I have nothing to prove to anyone though. Honestly I think I can do it w/o the super long training runs. I am continuing in my hill training runs each week (2.5 miles, uphill half way) and the normal 3 mile runs, or 10 mile bike rides. But with soccer games every Saturday and horse 4-h meetings, and working and scouts I don’t know when I could fit in a couple of hours to run.
So, there it is, be in the Moment.